The Adventures of the Kludge

On the shores of no-where-in-particular

Day 1

I’ve found myself on a beach of an unknown island or landmass of dubious quality. The last thing I remember is the swirling sea water flooding my cabin, then being carried off into the ocean by the stormy currents. As lightning flashed overhead, I grabbed hold of a piece of the ships wooden hull and held tight. Though I knew the gods would see fit to save my life, as I am destined for greatness, I prayed for the brave souls around me who would surely pass on.

When I awoke, I was laying naked on a soggy beach without a stitch of clothing covering my paragon of a body. Searching the corpses of noble sailors around me, I found a man in a toga and another with a belt knife. After transforming the clothing into a make-shift toga, I looked around for any survivors. The only other living souls to wash up on the shore was a muscular dusky-skinned man named Carter, a strange elf named Norroar, and a young copper dragon who likes to disguise himself as a kobold.

Friends and Shields

Day 2

The four of us spent most of the day building a shelter and gathering fruits, gourds, and melons from the jungle choked interior of the island. That night, a group of smelly fish-men, known as sahaugin, emerged from the ocean’s bosom and tried to murder us in our sleep. We dispatched them and gathered their belongings, but not before receiving grievous wounds. Now armed with a heavy crossbow and a trident, we kept a vigilant watch for other predators while we rested from our ordeal with the storm and encounter with the sahaugin. The dragon went off exploring and found a chest with two large tower shields of dwarven make. Though I had made a crude wooden shield out of pieces of drift wood from the destroyed ship, the metal dwarven shield seemed to be vastly superior.

Getting Crabby

Day 3

These dwarven shields are much too big to be functional. After walking down the beach for a bit, my new sahaugin-made trident and heavy crossbow at my side, we saw something moving down the far end of the beach. Carter, who I now understand is some sort of monk, and the dragon dashed across the sand to see what it was. Shortly after the druid transformed into a large lizard and followed them. I trailed behind, taking the time to draw the crossbow and fire at whatever it was my part was fighting. It turned out to be a couple of large crabs; very large crabs! We killed the poor things, but mostly because they attacked us for moving into their territory. After roasting the meat on a spit, and applying a honey and berry juice marinade, we made camp for the night. Norroar was able to fasion a breastplate of sorts from what remained of the crab’s carcasses. If we come across more, I shall have him make a set as well. The shelter isn’t as glorious as the one made from driftwood, but it will keep the rain out. At least we feast like kings!

Sahaugin and Zombies and Moutains, oh my!

Day 4

Attacked in the night! Another sahaugin patrol had crept up on us! I think they may have stolen our dragon friend as well. He went foraging into the jungles and never returned. We figured he’d come back in the night, but all we got was another sahaugin patrol from the sea. We dispatched them without much trouble.

After hiding the bodies in the jungle, we broke camp and continued on down the beach again. Today we saw a large rocky hill in the distance. It is not so much a mountain, but for the relative size on this island the term will suffice as it is more than a mere hill. Still no sign of the dragon…

About mid-day we found a dozen bodies strewn about on the sand. It looked as if several sailors from a different wreck had washed ashore. When we approached to investigate, many of the corpses rose up and attacked us! These were more than just corpses, but zombies coming back from their watery grave to seek their vengance. Those vile agents of darkess tried to destroy us, to eat us and make us one of them! We were able to hold them off, however, and threw their stinking corpses back into the ocean. I would have liked to have given those tortured souls a proper burial, but I’m hoping that the bodies will chum the waters and draw preadators into the water. Perhaps that will keep the sahaugin at bay.

Bath and Bloodbath

Day 5

Attacked in the night by sahaugin, again! This time the patrol was accompanied by a small squad. Eight of them in number, they spread out to find us in the dark of night. Carter was on watch, but he fled at the sight of them. It would have been just Norroar and I to fight them off, as our dragon friend still has not returned, but luckily his sister, Cera, had joined us at sun-down last night. The three of us were able to fight bravely. Because of my supiror tactical and leadership skills, we killed most of the foul fish-men, but one or two of them escaped us.

We healed our wounds as best we could the next morning. Carter managed to find his way back in the dark jungle. I shall try and remember to repremand him for his cowardice. After a short and meger breakfast, we continued on to the miniature mountain.

At the base of the rocks, we found a small pool of fresh water where I bathed and cleaned my toga. Though she adamantly denies it, I could feel Cera’s eyes on me. I offered to share with her the love of the gods, but she said she only enjoys that kind of passion while in the form of a lizard. Not being one to turn away a beautiful woman in need of comfort, I shall have to take her up on that offer. Perhaps tonight…

Norroar has just returned from scouting out a cave in the mountain. He says he noticed the claws of some beast in the cave, but escaped unnoticed. We shall have to investigate both the beast and the cave.

Spitting Crab-sters

Day 5 (con’t)

We’ve discovered what the creature is: a larger-than-normal cross between a crab and a lobster. The thing had a tough exo-skeleton, elongated body, and pincers. It also spit some sticky substance at us that it was able to use to pull us toward its mandibles. There were two of them perched up in some crevices in the rocks. As we walked by, they spit that sticky strand at us. We were able to get them down from those areas and kill one, but the other got away.

Because there might be more of them in the cave, we’ve decided to feast on its meat and rest for the night. We traverse the cavern at first light.

Snakes in a Cave

Day 6

As the sun leapt up from the horizon, coming to greet us for another glorious day, we packed up our meager camp and headed into the rocky island cave. We passed the alcoves that the spitting crab-sters had hidden in before. We checked them thoroughly, though found no evidence that the surviving beasty had returned. There were several animal bones in the alcoves, and more than one set of humanoid bones. Someone has been here before us. I’m not sure if I find it comforting that other shipwreck survivors had washed ashore on this island, only to be eaten by giant crustaceans.

We continued on; carefully exploring what appeared to be a fairly straight forward tunnel. While I was constantly looking up for alcoves filled with more crustaceans, my brothers in arms failed to watch the water. We were set upon by the second biggest snake I’ve ever seen. It sprung from the water and grabbed onto poor Bane. As we tried to hack it to pieces and get it off of him, it continued to squeeze the life out of him. When he finally fell unconscious, the poor weak sot, the serpent released him and started to squeeze the meek monk to death. While the coward distracted the beast, I revived Bane with my godly healing powers. After I knew my new half-man friend was alive, I advanced toward the beast and plunged my spear deep into its flesh. The creature reared, then went limp. We dragged several feet of the massive serpent out of the water and I used my dagger to carve him into more manageable pieces. Still unsure of when we would find civilization, we knew we’d need to eat him for food. Norroar even thought he might be able to make some sort of armor from the thick scales; anything would help as this point.

After exiting the cave, we found a small box which exploded with electricity when opened. Some of my companions got quite a nasty shock, but I was barely harmed. Inside we found several potions and a few scrolls, as well as a magical dagger, which I exchanged for the belt knife I had been using. More importantly than the box, however, was the sight of a small fishing village across a calm bay. We continued to the town with haste, still carrying the large lengths of snake flesh.

And a good thing we did! When we arrived in Whitecoast, which we soon found out was the small village’s name, we were greeted by poor, frightened peasants who looked as if they haven’t seen food nor visitor in a generation. They told us that we would have to speak to their town elders, but were kind enough to give us a bath, a shave, and a fresh set of real clothes. One moderately attractive bather girl, a young thing named Joanne, scrubbed me from bow to stern. After, I showed her my appreciation in the most heavenly way possible. Before setting off for the meeting with the town elders, I told her I needed good and decent lodgings for the night. I’m sure she will not disappoint.

White Beach Blues

Joanne will just have to wait. We’ve just left White Beach, and not on the best of terms. The old woman and the two other council men seem to have some sense, but that fat pig Uldurisio is the worst sort of human I’ve run across. I sense an evil in him, and that nephew of his.

From the moment we entered the council chambers, the two of them were trying to paint me as a villian. Me! The nerve of it all. I was trying to tell the heroic story of our survival during that terrible storm and how we persevered against all odds in the savage jungles of this possibly deserted island. The entire time he kept interrupting as if the story were all about him! Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Carter the Coward calls him fat. It’s as if that man never learned any manners…

Well, I finally got to tell our heroic story. However, as I was coming to the bit about the snake and how we were going to save it just in case we needed to feed a village full of people, Carter barks out again! This time he accuses Uldurisio of kidnapping the girl!

Ah! Yes… the girl. Apparently some young girl named Heather was abducted from her home a few nights ago. She had been taken out to a rock on the shore some ways east of here, as a sacrifice to-well, I’m not sure what yet. I’ll get to that later. A couple more survivors from our shipwreck had found her and healed her wounds. One is another aasimar like myself, though not quite as gifted, I’d wager. He claims to have no name, and follows Iomedae. Dry bunch of worshipers they are; so very serious. The other is one of those unusual catfolk. I’m not sure whether to admire his fur or give him some milk. He’s nice enough, but not too bright.

Anyhow, I forget myself. I was writing about the council. Well, Uldurisio and that wicked nephew marched out of the council chambers after Carter accused them. With those two gone, things went along pleasantly enough. I apologized for mixing up problems between them and the sahuagin, and vowed to correct our mistake. I also intend to help them with this food problem of theirs, and see about that beast in the rocky cave off the island.

That’s right, the beast. It seems there’s something living out there, and they’ve been sacrificing food to it for generations. Now that food supplies are short, giving a large portion to the monster every month is that much harder. We’ve got too much pressing business to get to, but the issue of the beast will be addressed.

We talked to some of the townsfolk, and I tried to unburden their hearts. I let them know that our crash landing was no accident, but the hands of the gods leading them to salvation and prosperity. The thing they needed was a hero, and that’s exactly what they got!

It’s about the time that I’m making real progress when Regal, that’s the cat fellow, tells me that there’s a mob brewing on the other side of town, and they intend to hang us. I’d have liked to stay and face the mob, to show them the wickedness of their desires and lead them to the light but Regal mentioned how important it was to set-off finding out what happened to Heather right away.

We’ve been traveling for a few hours now, and it’s time to make camp. I trust tomorrow shall be glorious.

The Sahuagin Gamble

Much of yesterday was spent in travel and toil. We were joined by an androgynous beauty from the township. At first I was suspicious that he might be a spy from Uldurisio, but then I thought better of it. Arshea is an androgynous goddess, so sending this indeterminate wonder into my midst can be nothing other than a sign that I am on the true and righteous path. She calls himself “Zoro,” which is an exciting and powerful name, full of destiny. Proof that Zoro is a sign from the goddess herself has come two more times, and I have not rested my head since meeting him.

Last night, while I was sleeping, another sahuagin patrol came sweeping nearby. Though they had not noticed us, they were heading toward White Beach. Norroar transformed into his mighty lizard form and drew their attention into the jungle. We then used pin-point skirmish tactics to harass and slow their movement. After following them for the rest of the night, we finally made our ambush just before sun’s first light crept into the sky.

At first the battle seemed folly, as the beach bound sahuagin were swarming Regal and Norroar. The rest of us advanced to flank them, but were being shot down by unseen assailants still hiding in the water. That’s when the first sign appeared.

Out of the jungle came a mighty cat, sent by Arshea and focused on helping us destroy the sahuagin. It ripped through a sahuagin, its black fur glistening in the starlight. That gave Zoro and I the opening we needed to advance and attack the fishmen on the shore. I drew their fire while Zoro inspired us all by narrating our mighty battle. We were able to subdue one of the sahuagin and tactically retreat into the jungle.

We withdrew to the cave where once we fought the mighty crab-sters and water serpent. There we were able to communicate with the creature and gain a glimpse of understanding into their ways. They had been driven here by fishing boats, swelling the numbers of a once quiet sahuagin settlement. With their increased numbers, they had become more aggressive in searching for food which brought them into conflict with the humans of White Beach. Though I knew this creature was treacherous, I also knew that if the sahuagin decided to swarm the town then they would leave no human left alive on this island. Trusting in the goddess, I made a deal with the creature, who’s name is Glub. The humans of the island would stay on their side of the island and the sahuagin would stay on the other so that neither would fish in the other’s lands, and that the sahuagin would say out of the island’s interior. The penalty for breaking this pact would be death for each and every sahuagin that dared raise scale or trident against them. I, in my righteous fury, would see this bloody deal through to the end. Now we wait and see what tomorrow brings: either bloody massacre or an unsettling calm. Our hopes are now on Glub, for the decision is in the fins of the sahuagin.

Justice is a Dish Best Served

Justice has been served. Uldurisio is behind bars for the kidnapping of the young maid, Heather.

Late last night we arrived back to White Beach to see if the sahuagin had attacked the village or held off. I thanked the goddess that the villagers were alive and well. I informed the reasonable council members of my deal with the sahuagin and asked about Uldurisio. Gustina, the old lady, informed me that council members serve for life and Uldurisio had made many enemies. She also said that if he were convicted of kidnapping Heather, that he would not only be jailed, but lose his spot on the council and all the powers that came with it.

We departed to allow the old woman some rest, and we sought the same. Heather’s aunt and uncle were kind enough to let us sleep in their house, though we were interrupted before the night was over. Regal heard a noise outside. When he went to investigate, he was assailed by four brigands. Bravely defending himself, he managed to scratch one in the side before he ran off. Nameless was also able to magically hold one in place while Zoro and I fit her manacles on him. When the spell was released, he claimed to be one of the city guard. I had my doubts, so I took him to the closest patrol to answer for his lie. Once he was in custody, I sat and watched him myself for the rest of the night.

While I was guarding the prisoner, Regal was able to track down the man he had scratched back to a large house. He then gathered Nameless, Zoro, and Gustina, who insisted they visit that manor. There, they confronted and apprehended Uldurisio and his nephew. They brought the culprits to the council chambers where they were tried and convicted for their crimes. Venisio, the nephew, gave evidence against his uncle. For his cooperation, Gustina stripped him of his council seat, but allowed him his freedom. Uldurisio will be turned over to my custody once we set sail for Tear. After we arrive, he will get to grace a prison cell with his presence for as long as the Council decides.

It appears that two major threats to the island have been averted by my hand; there remains only one final threat… the BEAST!


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